How to Invest in Love

While running errands with my daughter to get ready for her wedding this weekend, we stopped to buy a Powerball ticket. (Not only had the payout reached a record amount, but, you know, weddings are expensive.) Anyway, I rarely buy lottery tickets, couldn't figure out the machine, and gave up.

Bridal Shower

Thus, I'm not a billionaire. However, the experience made me ponder the way so many people see both the lottery and marriage as a source of security, when the truth is that many lottery winners go bankrupt and many marriages end in divorce. Does this make love a gamble? It sure seems like it sometimes.

On further consideration, I decided that love takes work while the lottery is pure luck. So maybe marriage should be considered a job.

But again, the analogy doesn't fit. Love can't be earned like a paycheck. Lasting love is given despite failures and mistakes. We must learn to love others when they let us down. Perhaps like riding out the stock market.

Aha! Love is an investment.

I know as much about investing money as I do about buying Powerball tickets, so I did some research. Since writing about love IS my job. Here's what I learned:

1. Understand Cycles

   Like the stock market, relationships go through highs and lows. In the stock market, the lows triggers what's called "correction." This is where changes are made for the health of the company and lead to new growth. Investors who don't understand the importance of these changes often bail too soon and miss out on even greater highs.

   
   

2. Avoid Emotional Investing

   When it comes to the above cycles, investors who don't understand tend to make decisions based on fear and greed. When things are good, their greed outweighs their fear, and they commit. When things go south, their fear overrides their greed, and they bail.

   
   

   In relationships, focusing completely on how I feel doesn't only make me short-sighted but selfish. Some of the best advice I got from a counselor was to play the long game. It might not feel good in the moment, but it gives perspective and pays off in the end.

3. Be Confident

   Confidence isn't so much about being right but about taking ownership of your decisions. If you're knowledgeable and making choices off fact rather than feelings, then it's okay to do things differently.

   
   

   In the stock market, it might mean you're buying when others are selling. In relationships, you won't cave to the pressure of expected norms or bad advice.

   
   

4. Know When to Exit

   If there is no "correction" as mentioned above, then your stock/relationship is not in a healthy cycle. Time to get to safety even if others choose to keep sinking.

   
   

   For those who don't struggle with ending relationships too soon, you probably deal with hanging on too long. Whole books are written for knowing when to exit, and it's actually the theme of my next novel. "It's better to lose them than harm them." Enabling unhealthy behaviors is harmful.

   
   

5. Diversify

   Where health is concerned, you need a diverse portfolio, and the same should be said for relationships. There are different types of love, and romantic love is only one of them. Cultivating a variety of healthy relationships creates balance in each of the above listed areas.

As someone who's been through divorce, I appreciate this analogy. For if love was a gamble, then I lost. If love was a job, then I got fired. But since love is an investment, then I've gained experience. And I'm still gaining.

One of the most important things I've learned is that God has invested in me. This is where my value comes from.

God stuck with me through highs and lows. He plays the long game. His ways are not my ways, and when I want to go my own way, He lets me though he'd rather I chose "correction" to stay in a healthy place with Him. But this desire isn't only for me--He wants a relationship with everyone.

I'm reminded of this in my Bible study today. The prophet Hosea married a prostitute as an example of how much God loves us. Crazy, right? But here's the line that stood out to me: "His pain was the worse for loving her so well." And this was God's will.

As much as I love the idea of living happily-ever-after, we don't simply get lucky in love.

And marriage isn't about being loved either. We're already loved. Marriage is about learning to love.

When we learn to love, nobody can take that away. Which makes it much more priceless than winning the lottery.